Jeremy L. Berg

“Above all things guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

(Prov. 4:23)

Her hands shook and her eyes roamed restlessly about the bus. I could tell she was agitated about something. I walked up the aisle of the bus and met the eager eyes of many teens as we turned the corner just one block away from the church. This particular girl asked me with a look of both frustration and desperation, “Can I have my cell phone back now?”  

Most youth workers can relate to the battle against cell phone dependency and the symptoms of withdrawal that come when we limit or ban cell phone use during a weekend youth retreat or mission trip.  For years and years, teens have been signing off on parent permission slips and trip expectation forms banning the possession of such contraband as drugs, alcohol, and weapons. Few ever dared protest the ban on these.  I mean, come on!  Why would drugs, alcohol and weapons ever be appropriate on a spiritual retreat?  However, recently youth pastors have been so bold to add another banned item to the list: cell phones. 

The first time I enforced the “No Cell Phones” rule on a retreat I was met with a good amount of protest, complaints, crusty looks and outright defiance. “It’s for your own good,” I told them. “Disconnect from life back home in order to reconnect with God.” “Why not engage the 50 people sitting all around you on the bus, instead of the one person you’re texting?”  And so on. 

Well, most of us know that disconnecting and giving ourselves a true escape from the people, projects and worries of home is good and healthy for the soul.  Even our students “get it” and know it’s true deep down.  By the way, our youth group has adapted well to this policy and I’m proud to say it wasn’t even an issue on our most recent trip.  

I was having lunch with a pastor friend of mine the other day. He told me of his recent enforcement of the “No Cell Phone” policy at a his mission camp this summer.  He said many students were absolutely furious.  Many gave their phone up reluctantly and then had an negative attitude the rest of the week over it.  What is it with these little devices that makes teens guard them so ferociously? Why is it such a violation of their personal property to ask them to give them up for a weekend retreat or week-long mission trip?  What do cell phones represent to teens that make them such personal treasures worth guarding and protecting like a mama bear protects her cubs?  

With these thoughts floating around in my head I blurted out a provocative statement to my pastor friend across the table that struck us both as…well…something worth pondering.  I said,

“Many teens will give up their virginity easier than they’ll give up their cellphone.” 

Or, put another way,

“Many teens seem to guard their cellphone with more care than they guard their virginity.” 

I know.  Probably an overstatement.  Probably offensive to some. But is it completely off track?   Is there any degree of truth in this shocking comparison?

If we’re honest we’ll admit that the things we guard and protect are the things we value and treasure most.  The things we’re not as protective of and more willing to give up without a fight are the things we value less.  So, why do teens guard their cellphones so carefully and often play around so casually and recreationally with their sexuality?  This is a lamentable reality that all youth workers must be vigilant to continuously address with our teens. I believe a part of that message must be:

You can toss your cellphone out the window and buy a new one the next day. Sure, you’ll have to spend some time gathering all your contact numbers in order to  reprogram them in.  But if you give up your virginity in the heat of the moment this Friday night, you’ll never get it back.  And that particular personal contact will always be programmed into your memory and you’ll never be able to erase it completely.  

So, let’s loosen up our grip on our cellphones and tighten our grip on our God-given gift of sexual purity.  That’s a treasure truly worth guarding!

For a Christian understanding of the sacredness of human sexuality and purity check out the extensive essay Christianity and Sexuality by Christopher Ash