Jeremy L. Berg

I’ve been pulling DI classics out of the old archives this summer. The following is one of the more random posts I’ve written — hence, the title! Honestly, I wonder what exactly I was trying to say. But I feel today that same anticipatory spirit I was feeling back then in ’06. God is preparing Keri and I for something special, and we can’t wait for the circus to begin!  Enjoy.

I’m not a prayer warrior. Prayer has often confused me. I mean, if God knows what we need before we ask, then why even ask? He already knows. I believe God speaks to our hearts, through uneasy feelings, deep yearnings unspoken, and makes his home in the center of our mixed thoughts. His Spirit makes his lodging in the midst of our doubts and fears, hopes and longings.

My relationship with God sometimes feels like a Scandinavian lad’s relationship with their relatives. Little is spoken, but we usually have a feeling we know where everyone else is at. Though little is said between father and son, the son still knows the father is behind him 100%, watching out for him and wanting only his best.

So goes my prayer life. Yet, I want to become more vocal and direct with God, speaking out loud, talking as one friend to another. Peter and I went on a prayer walk the other night and just talked out loud to God as to one another, because there were three of us there – why leave God out of the conversation?

I say all of this as an introduction to the ways God has been finally moving in my life in huge ways. Talk about thunder claps intruding a LONG PERIOD OF SILENT prodding! I have been doubtfully, faithfully, anxiously, confidently pursuing God’s calling in my life for about 7 years now. Through college and seminary, through thankless part time jobs and little financial security, just trusting that all of this tedious laboring (school, lack of stable jobs, part time jobs I sometimes HATE) would eventually lead to somewhere.

It has been a long WAIT – not just sitting around – but a ‘preparatory wait’ for something I don’t yet see. Like practicing juggling tuna cans for a seafood circus that doesn’t yet exist, I have been preparing for a ministry yet to be seen. 
I have been knocking on a door that I haven’t yet found, and God is finally beginning to reveal the doors and open them up.

Out of the silent fog I am finally beginning to walk. In the distance I can hear jubilant songs of opportunity playing and the shimmering lights of God’s carnival are beginning to shine through the thick black veil. I’m walking into something exciting, and I am ready to juggle the stinky fish when i find the Big Tent!

Growing in grace — slow but steady.