Kingdom Harbor

We just wrapped up a teaching series called “Imago Vita” where we explored the often neglected role of imagination in worship, prayer and spiritual transformation. We invited people to activate all their senses in worship and prayer, and to visualize God and the work He is doing in us in a vivid and concrete way.

When it comes to spiritual growth and maturity, many of us live in the dry and oppressive flatlands of “should” and “ought” and “try harder.” We know intellectually that God “who began a good work in [us] will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil 1:6). But it remains largely a nice passing thought, a lifeless piece of information registered in our brain’s database.

Michelangelo has famous said, “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.” The Scriptures declare us to be clay in the Potter’s hand. We ended the series by inviting individuals to seek God for a concrete image that captures the unique masterpiece God is making out of them, a vivid snapshot of their future self-in-Christ as they are set free from all that holds them back. Using AI generating technology, here are some of the images people came up with.

This series and the “Imago Vita” idea springs from my own inner work with my spiritual director and other mentors and counselors over the years. I shared my personal journey that led me to my Imago Vita a couple weeks back, and I wanted to share a bit of that here today.

My deep ache and constant struggle as a pastor, writer and teacher over the years has been my desire to impact lives with my words. For years I have identified with the “sower” in Jesus’ parable of the sower and the seeds. I’ve been faithfully tossing the “seed” of Biblical truth and Kingdom wisdom out into the field of the world, landing on various heart-soils, for over 20 years.

Hundreds of sermons preached. Countless class lectures given. Thousands of articles written. Nearly 40 books of my writings fill my shelves. I’ve been tossing out 2-3 podcast episodes each week for the past several months. I sow in college classrooms. I sow in nursing homes. I sow Sundays at church and all week long on my blog.

I am a sower.

But what kind of a sower?

Faithful? Obedient? Yes.

But Joyful? Carefree? Happy? Not so much.

While I have faithfully plodded along in ministry, dutifully showing up and refusing to quit, I have not always been at peace with my calling and work. The forecast inside my soul as I go out into God’s field to sow is often partly cloudy with a chance of torrential self-doubt and grumpy-sized hail.

I have at times been…

…an obedient sower.

…a prolific sower.

…a dutiful, hardworking sower.

…a stressed out, burned out sower.

…a grumpy, bitter sower.

…a reluctant sower.

…an anxious sower.

…a depressed sower.

…a self-pitying sower.

…a frustrated sower.

Much of this negativity is rooted in the fact that I, like many fellow human beings, try to control and worry too much about the “results” of my labor. Where should I toss the seed? Which soil will be most receptive and take root? Which soil is rocky and hard and not worth the effort? When and how much should I toss? Where is the growth I want and expect to see? Is the particular seed I’m tossing good enough, smart enough, biblical enough, clear enough, kind enough, piercing enough?

I wrote recently, “As a boy, I wanted to be secure. As a teen, I wanted to belong. In my twenties, I wanted to be respected. In my thirties, I wanted to be faithful. Now in my mid-forties, I just want to be happy in my own skin and joyful in my calling.” 

I want to be a Happy and Joyful Sower.

A midlife crisis will sneak up on you and bite you when you’re not looking. A midlife crisis can also be your deepest soul trying to wave the white flag, grab your attention and let you know that there is a better way to live. That serving God and being happy don’t need to be mutually exclusive. For several years, I’ve been learning to listen to my soul’s deep ache and yearning.

I have taken solace along the way in Psalm 126, especially preaching and teaching through bouts of depression, that promises that “Those who sow in tears, will reap with joy” (Ps. 126:5). But I don’t want to spend the rest of my days sowing in tears. I want to sow with joy as well.

I want to be a Happy Sower, a Joyful Sower.

Meditating more deeply on the parable of the sower and the four soils in Mark 4 has helped me arrive at my imago vita, and my desire to become a “Happy Sower.” The sower’s responsibility is to faithfully scatter the Word and then leave the results to God. As Paul writes, “I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow” (1 Cor. 3:6).

Another message in the parable is this: God tosses his truth, goodness and life-changing gospel onto all kinds of soils indiscriminately, and I am to go and do likewise. God doesn’t try to predict or control where the seed will reap a greater harvest. The sower is to sow with joyful abandon, scattering God’s word far and wide, and leaving the results to God.

As a pastor and writer, I simply cannot control who will show up for church, who will read my writings, who will buy my books, who will listen to my podcast, who will attend my classes or seminars, and if they’ll bother to do the homework when they do show up. I can’t change hearts, convict souls, come up with the magic message to set people free. People need to do their own inner work of cultivating their heart-soil with God. Sowers need to sow. God will bring the growth.

As if to underscore the point for generations of future worry-wart, results-oriented preachers like me, Jesus told an another parable about a sleepy sower, often called the Parable of the Growing Seed. Jesus says:

“This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come” (Mark 4:26-29).

I imagine Jesus winking at me as he tells this parable. He slows down and puts special emphasis on the words “whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows…all by itself the soil produces.” The point is clear: “It ain’t about you, Jeremy.” The power is in the seed of the gospel, and all by itself it will grow. “So, lighten up. Take a vacation. Preach or press publish, and then go take a long nap trusting that God will be at work behind the scenes in invisible ways while you snooze.”

Some years ago I began writing a book (I may get back to it soon) about an imaginative weekend trip with Jesus to the Father’s Cabin in northern Minnesota. I recently revisited what I wrote now 8 years ago! My retreat full of adventures and spiritual lessons with Jesus includes a chapter where Jesus takes me to the “Potting Shed” and tosses a big bag of grass seed into my arms. He invites me to start seeding the lawn with him.

I move methodically and seriously, carefully sprinkling a handful of seed over the bare spots in the yard, and onto soil that looked promising. Serious work. No smiling. Gotta get it just right. Then out of the corner of my eye, I see Jesus with a giant smile across his face, running and skipping like a child, tossing the seed wildly into the air, on every kind of surface. Some seed lands on the soil, but other seed lands on the rocky path or the modular block retaining wall and landscaping.

After Jesus rebukes my rigid, scrupulous approach and taught me about the inefficiency of God’s grace, the skies open up and it begins to rain and pour on us. Jesus wants to use the moment to teach me about how “God rains his mercy down on the righteous and wicked alike” (Matt 5:45), but like a responsible adult, I immediately ran for shelter and nearly miss his lesson.

Jesus, on the other hand, is skipping in the rain with his mouth wide open, drinking in the father’s love like the child he taught us to become more like. Jesus is so full of joy and levity as goes about working (and playing!) in the Father’s yard with me. He is a Happy Sower.

So, writing that chapter over 8 years ago, God was already nudging me and pulling me toward becoming a more joyful and carefree sower of God’s Word. I have not yet arrived there, and many days I find myself relapsing and focusing on results and bemoaning my humble impact.

But I now have a vivid and concrete image framed in my study where I do much of my sowing. God speaks biblical truths to me through this AI generated Van Gogh-inspired portrait of the Happy Sower God is slowly making me into. A few words about it:

In Van Gogh’s art, the yellow sun represents God’s loving presence and the ultimate source of growth. God/Sun is placed in the center of the frame, as I want Him to be in my ministry. The sower is slightly off to the side, playing an important but passing role in the divine drama. One day I too will pass out of the frame when my sowing days are over.

The sower’s smile is contagious and he tosses the seed indiscriminately, leaving the Spirit-wind of God to blow it wherever He wishes it to land. The evening breeze, like theSpirit, reveals an inviting path that leads me home into the warm, glowing presence of God. With God’s help, I can become a more Happy and Carefree Sower working joyfully in God’s field.

In conclusion, my mentor recently asked me this probing question:

“Jeremy, when it comes to your ministry, what does God delight in most? What does He want most out of your ministry?”

“Um…Transformed lives? Many saved souls? Effective discipleship? Great teaching? A healthy church?” These were some of the things I offered.

My mentor, Keith, looked at me with compassion, and repeated the words of his mentor, Dallas Willard.

“You, Jeremy,” Keith said. “God delights most in you as you go about your ministry. And a healthy, joyful you is the fruit God wants most out of your ministry at the end of the day.”

I’m still letting that sink in. It seems selfish. It’s not about me, but what I can do for you, I protest.

But Keith continued: “God delights in creating with you, watching your joy in the writing process, inspiring you in your study as you prepare a sermon, watching you come alive teaching with passion in the classroom.”

I guess, at the end of the day, its hard for all of us — especially those of us called to full-time ministry — to remember that we are God’s field where He is busy at work. I am God’s beloved masterpiece-in-the-making, his passion project, his garden of delight and the field He’s making ripe for harvest. Long before I went to work for Him, God was the Happy Sower at work in me. And he continues to sow seeds of joy, peace, and contentment that will soon, God-willing, begin to sprout and make of me a Happy Sower after His likeness.

Now I will push “publish” on this latest post, tossing another handful of words into the world. I don’t know where this post will land. I don’t know how it will land. I don’t know what, if any, impact it might have. That’s all outside my control. I am just a Sower…an increasingly more Happy Sower, with God’s help.

“Let all who have ears to hear, receive it.” -JESUS

REFLECT: What is the deep ache and yearning of your soul? What is the masterpiece God is working on in you? Do you have a vivid image of the finished product? Ask the Holy Spirit to paint a picture inside your imagination, and give you your own Imago Vita to frame and place in your life as a aspirational image of your future self-in-Christ.

Here’s the website we used to generate our Imago Vitas.