Jeremy L. Berg

I stood before a beautiful group of people recently sharing the story of my past 20 years of ministry in my hometown and trying to explain the quirky little church I am blessed to lead at MainStreet Covenant. My preparation had me looking back at how I have evolved and changed as a pastor these past years. I was a bit embarrassed at the grandiose sound of some of my original vision for planting the church. I set out with God to start a church that would have a big impact, touch many lives, revive an entire city (gulp).

That’s how a young, driven, idealistic leader talks. That’s how someone in the first half of life sounds. Growing into spiritual maturity involves learning to let go of many things (e.g., controlling results) and holding onto other things more loosely (e.g., people).

The first half of life is largely spent indulging the preoccupations of our active and insecure ego-self. While the culture admires driven, restless, productive, git-er-done leaders who set out with vigor and verve to “gain the whole world” before age 40, the gospel invites us to a long, slow, inefficient journey of dying to the ego-self and becoming less in the world’s eyes in order to become more fruitful in the Kingdom.

American consumer Christians want to be members of big and successful religious institutions that will impress their coworkers, while Jesus is preoccupied with growing the souls of “the small and the few” in the secret place. Christian leaders attend church growth conferences that offer them all the influence of the world if they will just bow down and give themselves over a ministry of superficial results and shallow faith.

As I turn 44 years old this weekend, I chuckle thinking about how God lets so many young, ego-driven leaders plant and lead new churches. It makes sense, because we have so much more energy and idealism in our 20s and 30s to undertake such ambitious projects. The ego is driven like a madman to perform, impress, and produce things that we hope will make a difference and make a mark on the world. This is not all bad, but its not wisdom either.

If we lived in a Wisdom culture, we might not want spiritual leaders under the age of 40 or 50! But we don’t value wisdom, nor is that what many churches claim to be offering. (See my cohort’s book Wise Church: Forming a Wisdom Culture in Your Local Church.) Many booming ministries are being led by leaders who have yet to begin the descent into the deeper spiritual wisdom of the second half of life. But God has a long history of allowing his mission to be advanced through immature, not-yet-ready leaders and I see no sign of Him ever changing that either.

(I have explored the subtle danger of doing ministry “in the flesh” vs. “in the Spirit” in my “I Am Nicodemus”.)

Back in the parking lot, trying to explain how the past 13 years of my church planting leadership has resulted in a church of just 20-30 people gathering on Sunday nights, I once again heard the Accuser’s voice whispering “failure”, “unsuccessful”, “weak” into my ear. “Get behind me Satan!” I protested. “You have a worldly perspective, not God’s” (Matt 16). I collected myself. I lifted my chin up. I continued to explain the beautiful miracle that continues to happen each Sunday night at Mainstreet Covenant Church. I stumbled onto an image and said something like:

As a young leader, I set out to plant a church that would grow into something enduring. I wanted people to come, experience God, become members and stick around for the long haul. My ego wanted organizational sustainability. Instead, for the past dozen years MainStreet has been sweeping up individuals into an orbit of grace and love and authenticity. Some spend a few months and others a few years in this gentle orbit, circling around the Son, and loved-on in a season of hurt while picking up the pieces or embraced in a season of transition until graduating from college. Then one day they leave the MainStreet orbit and continue their journey elsewhere, hopefully with a long-lasting coating of grace from their time inside our orbit.

I have lost too much hair and gone plenty gray wondering why so many people have come and gone from our fellowship over the years. But as I grow in second half of life wisdom and spiritual maturity, and become less attuned to my ego’s insecurities, I am discovering a deep peace and satisfaction in knowing that MainStreet has always and continues to offer a hurting world an orbit of grace and love and healing that people can be swept up into for a season of their life. We have no control over who comes and who goes and when; but we do play a huge role in determining what kind of atmosphere people experience and what kind of oxygen they breathe while inside our little MainStreet orbit. I hope they breathe in grace and exhale a bit of the ‘yuck’ in their life.

We have had the privilege of doing two funerals in the past few weeks, and I hope and pray both families felt the gravitational pull of Chris’s comfort and resurrection hope.

Many churches and pastors have a large backdoor with people walking out wounded, angry or disillusioned. My prayer is that those who have slipped out MainStreet’s backdoor over the years mostly feel loved, heard, cared for, and blessed. I imagine them walking on down the road coated with “Grace dust” that they can’t shake off their sandals even if they wanted to.

A younger Pastor Jeremy desired a church that was organizationally sustainable. An older and wiser Pastor Jeremy is content with a small fellowship that brings people into a healing orbit of grace and love for as long as they are among us.

What kind of orbit are you caught up in in your spiritual life and fellowship? What oxygen are you breathing these days? Is it a clean and healthy spiritual atmosphere? Does it smell like Jesus? Does it taste like Amazing Grace? If not, consider joining us!